Friday, January 29, 2010

Whirlwind Week.

As you may have told by my posts, I have been being spiritually challenged lately. I've had a lot of anger, frustration, and extreme sadness building up over this past week and it has made me feel incredibly helpless. I really do not wish to bring anyone down, but from the bad comes the good. And this has been the way in which God has been teaching me to be the woman He wants me to be.

It started early this week when my mom's coworker took her own life. I didn't know her personally, but my mom seemed quite grieved by the loss. When I thought of the woman's family...her young heart wrenched. How could anyone take their own lives? Especially when you have people who love and depend on you. I think I was worked up so much because I wondered 'what if that was me?'. If I lost my mom at all, especially in that manner, I don't know what I would do. I would be driven crazy by a broken heart. Then I wondered what happened to her soul. Life is not ours to take...

I didn't want to harbor on death so I tried to push it out of my mind. Until yesterday. My room mate has struggled with many temptations all her life (S, D & D). We got in a mini "fight" about something I believed could be immensely detrimental to her health and she confided in my a secret she has not told anyone else. As she let out this secret, I just started crying. I knew there was something going on, but I never wanted to hear a confirmation. I look at her and I see a body & soul racked with pain, confusion, tears me to pieces I cannot even explain. I feel like I am watching her deteriorate before my eyes and I don't know how to help her besides prayer. At that moment, I felt God's purpose for me here. I knew our placements were not a coincidence. If anyone here has the power to reject the sin on this campus it's me, but has encouragement come too late for her? I don't know if she wants to change, at least not yet, even though she knows the fate she is facing. I've taken her to church and group meetings with me, but she feels like God has turned on her. She feels such shame and isn't ready in her heart to repent yet, so she's essentially given up on God until she is "older".

I feel such pain for her, but I don't know how to help. Do I just keep living my life the Catholic way and hope she can find strength in my example? I can't force her to change her ways. She's hit rock bottom and still won't surrender. This is a lot for me to handle...I almost feel responsible for her.

And to top it off, I recieved an email that a young lady I know from a camp I volunteer at is possibly facing the end as well. She has a month of painful treatments and then...that's's up to God. She's had special needs all her life and has had to compromise on so much in life...on things we take for granted. And now God might take her away completely?

I sit here, so incredibly blessed, while others are haunted by demons, disease, self destruction...and I feel helpless. Helpless over my own life, which I know is all in God's hands, but also over the lives of loved ones. Through all of this I have learned to simply love and appreciate every moment. I just fell on my knees, crying out in thanks for all I have. I don't deserve any of it, yet He blesses me each and every day. The only thing He asks, and the only thing I can give Him, is my love and my life. Love is easy to give, but I don't know how to give Him my life & service. I see the lost sheep all around me, I see hurt and weakness, but I am dumbfounded as to how to help them. How can I get through to them before it becomes too late?

Pray that He sends me guidance or answers...or at least comfort during this trying period. I know through the pain will come the strength. I know He has plans for me and lessons I need to learn. It's time to grow up.

May the Lord bless you all this weekend & keep you safe.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Eternal Hell

I kind of researched my last post more in-depth today. I've felt truly grieved over the reality of an eternal place of damnation for those who do not accept Christ, but this website put it in a light I have never thought of before.

Click Here for the site if you're interested. I'm in a weird phase in my life at the moment as I am living with a few thousand young adults hailing from all sorts of backgrounds and lifestyles. The more I am allowing myself to look past the sin and love, the more I am exposed to their "ways"...I think they see my changes as me being open to experimenting, but I'm not. It's tempting sometimes to partake in their fun just because living the way I have been is l.o.n.e.l.y and I have so many memories from my's probably not the best thing to allow myself to reminisce about, but I do sometimes.

I think I'm craving some sort of adventure...I just don't know where to find it. I also hateeee when I hear the same reactions people have about me: "you don't drink/smoke? you don't party? you won't hook up?....what do you do?" And I know none of those things would satisfy me short term or long term, but I am certain my life now is vanilla and only getting more bland by the second. These are supposed to be the most exciting and memorable years of my life (so I hear...) and so far, I cannot tell you one stand out moment or activity I have participated in. Clubs are not exciting, parties are not fun, and sitting home all night is utterly unbearable.

Please pray for me, I'll be keeping you all in my prayers
for a hopefully blessed and spiritually fulfilling week :)

Other Faiths & Damnation

I'm taking a religion class this semester. It is nothing like I expected it to be. I guess I never took into account how atheism is a "religion" and how it would be discussed. Today was strictly the attacks on religion and how many people see it as a relic of humanity's infancy rather than it's maturity. The teacher passed around some Dawkins, Jung, & Freudian books and just reading the synopsis and reviews on the covers made me cringe. The atheist message is just as urgent as that of the Christian's. We want to save souls while atheists want to "wake up" the religious of the world before we destroy each other over it.

I was really angry at first and questioned why I took this class, but I want to learn this material. I love religions *and I thought I would be studying Christianity, but he left it out of the curriculum* and I want to stretch my comfort zone and learn to be accepting of others. I noticed how judgmental I was last semester and this time around I want to be as inviting and loving as I can be. I read a Catholic article the other day about how we don't need to be spreading our faith like many Protestant's force...but we are responsible for explaining the faith when ASKED.

On the flip side of this "lessened" duty, I was thinking about firm believers of other faiths and how they do reach out to others. How people change religions every day in every many faiths there are and how many subdivisions stem from each body. There are thousands of belief systems on this one planet. If there is one faith and one faith only, where does that leave 90% us? When we look at Christianity alone there are thousands of denominations and if narrow is the path to heaven, are the majority of sects just as unacceptable to God as Hinduism is? I don't understand the purpose of satan and the creation of false faiths. That is, in my opinion, the greatest burden we face as Christians. Finding the right way to God. We all disagree on countless there even a way to determine what is truth and what is not? Why would God leave us here to find Him ourselves with so many options and our eternal existence on the line?

Being religious is comforting and easy when you live it out, but when you really think about God and His purpose for us, His plans in general, things become chaotic. Why does punishment for being wrong have to be eternal? One of my teachers this semester is openly gay and today in class a student blurted out "This class is so not for me! I cannot be here!" and he left. The teacher was so obviously hurt by this behavior and while I do not condone homosexuality, I thought this student's display was disgusting. No matter what his sins are, this man is very genuine and caring...but according to doctrine, he probably won't be saved. He is not repentant for his lifestyle. How can a person, who is so right in so many ways, be eternally tortured for the sins he committed in his short existence on earth?

I am in no way questioning my faith, because it is just apart of me now and I 100% agree with it, but I am just so frustrated with not understanding God and His purpose with creating us. How does He expect us to KNOW Him when we're so imperfect? It's like a scientist giving the cure for cancer to cavemen. We cannot minutely understand Him or His what's the purpose?

College...too much learning & thought!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Do Not Awaken Love Before Its Time

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
-Song of Solomon 2:7

This scripture means a lot to me, as do the others that warn against giving away your heart too soon. It's so easy for me to romanticize this idea that I can hold my heart, body, and soul for that one man God has "planned" for me. What does one do when guarding the heart comes too late in life?

As many of you know, I am pretty young. Just a college student. But there was a time when I was not a Christian/Catholic/God believing person at all. And I met someone and had deep true feelings for him. I cannot express to you the anguish this has caused me over the past 5 years. The relationship was not built upon God, there was not foundation and nothing holy about us. We never even really "dated" because he was so wrapped up in sin. I have spoken about him before (maybe a few times) and he keeps coming back to haunt me. The pain and heartache I feel is very real and very physical and I don't know how to leave it behind me. The sins I committed in my past...I feel like...were never forgiven. If they had been, I wouldn't be here with a broken that seems like it can never be whole again.Why can't I be freed from this prison if God wants me to be pure for Him and my future husband?

When I was first coming around to Christianity again, I asked God to send me a sign, like in Genesis when Eliezer asks God to reveal the right woman for Isaac by offering him and his camels water. I asked God to change this boy's heart (as we had been fighting & were not talking for weeks) and call me IF, *and only if*, he wanted him in my life for a reason, if he was my "one". And it happened. Out of no where, he contacted me. I was confused because this coincidence made no rational sense aside from the fact that I had asked God for this, if it was His will. How could this be His will if this boy was not even a Christian? All I knew was I loved him even though everything about him was WRONG.

Come college, this boy and I had not talked for months and he calls asking for another chance. I had been the perfect one he wanted all alone, he would change for me, he wanted to go to church, etc. I believe I even blogged about it and how I was OVER him & his "chances" and his lies. I thought and honestly believed God had healed my heart, but the pain hit me like a load of bricks again today completely unprovoked. If this is a demonic thing...a temptation I need to overcome to become pure, I feel it is incredibly unfair. I become so drained and physically rundown when this happens. I lost control over my heart before I found Christ...and now I feel like I have lost it forever.

If this is a test, I really cannot bear it. I can't handle this burden alone, I need God, and time and time again I have asked Him to take the reigns in this area of my life, I am too weak! But where is He? Did my past mistakes really doom my future of purity and happiness?

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Creationism/Evolution and Idolatry!

I have some quite random thoughts & questions for today. All of which stem from watching the Duggars on TLC. (I realize I mention them a lot, I don't watch much tv so the shows I do watch I talk about :D)

In the one episode, the parents bring the children to a creationist museum and some of the exhibits and subject matter boggled my mind! I tend to hold the Catholic view (and this has always been my thought, no matter what denomination I was researching) that however the world was made, it was designed so by God. Meaning, I won't denounce evolution...Genesis almost sounds like an evolutionary process to me. Anyways, Jim Bob stated that the world WAS created 6,000 years ago, and obviously does not believe in fossil records or carbon dating. They also seemed to agree that humans lived during the time of the dinosaurs...huh? I believe they are Baptists...but is this all the "norm" in creationist thought? A lot of religious bloggers seem to take sides, like you have to adhere to either creationism or evolution. Are there any creationists here? If so, I would love to hear the reasons for these beliefs. Why do you distrust science/the accepted age of the earth? Why can't science be apart of His design? And where did the dino theory come from?!

*This is an honest & sincere curiosity, I am not trying to fight or disprove your beliefs. I just want to understand this viewpoint because, to be 100% honest, I never really looked into or cared to research this topic! eek!

The next part of my post is about the Protestant view of idolatry. I have heard time and again that the Catholic statues of Jesus, Mary, & the saints is idolatrous and pagan. I haven't really thought about Protestant "idolatry" until Michelle Duggar (on the mission trip episode to El Salvador) told Jim Bob their Nativity Scene had been blown over due to the weather. (Also, one of the kids had a shirt with Jesus' face on the back.) It hit me that I know MANY Protestants who have manger scenes and life sized nativities on their lawn at Christmas time. Why is this an acceptable statue or depiction of Jesus and Mary+Joseph, but Catholic statues are not? Maybe there are misconceptions as to what & how the statues are used in the RCC and that is what the protest is all about.

I had a guy send me a picture of Catholics on their knees in front of a Mary statue and he said this is obviously a picture of worship, thus "proving" Catholics are idolators. Now, I cannot argue that in some countries, and even in America, Catholics mix old religious practices (like in Latin America & Africa) with Christianity and this does result in praying to statues, etc. But, from what I gather & believe, the statues are like pictures we take. I can have a picture of my mom holding a dog and when I look at it I remember her, the human being, and the things we did that day, etc. I don't believe that picture is my mom, I don't talk to the picture and expect her to converse with me. It's not her. Similarly, statues and holy artwork reminds us of the Jesus and the saints and what they did for God and the faith. They are not objects that house the soul of the saint or anything...we know it's just stone/wood! We use them as tender reminders, as a picture of loved ones would, because to Catholics, the saints are family and role models. We are all connected in the Living Body of Christ. And we don't pray to saints; we ask for prayers from them. Like I would ask you to pray for me.

So...yeah, comments & thoughts are always welcome & appreciated!
Have a great week everyone, I'll be moving back into school & starting
my life back up again away from home. Oh joy! (heehee, just pray for me!!)

Friday, January 22, 2010


Some saint-based websites I visit give the stories, feast days, pictures of the saints, and attributes/emblems. I had never heard of this...what are their purpose?

For Saint Rose of Lima, her "emblems" are a crown of roses, an anchor, or a city. Are they for artistic purposes? For example, in my asian art class at uni, the lotus flower was a way in which the artist referred to amida & the afterlife.

food for thought~

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Sorry for the mess, I've been changing my blog and profile around. I have tabs up left & right, deleting things, adding things, tweaking things. Every time I feel a little satisfied, I change my mind. So I think I need to take a little break from the changes...hope you all enjoy!

Good song ;)

Salvation: Is it for everyone?

I am friends with a boy from my old high school on facebook, we never knew each other when we were in high school, but we are about the only two who left it with a Christ centered goal for our lives. We chatted over our winter breaks and on a parting note, he mentioned how he wished Protestants (as he is one) and Catholics (me, even though I'm sure any Catholic would be appalled to have to acknowledge me as a believer!) could unite to spread the Gospel rather than bicker over stupid, and truly minor, discrepancies. He slid in a little "I don't know if this is true, but I heard Catholics need confession to be saved..." I laughed a little, obviously thinking otherwise...but then I had to check. I felt a little stupid not knowing 100% what the Church teaches about salvation. I know I am in the process of learning, but that is a basic! So I did a google search and the first 4 sites I clicked on gave me source after source of Catholic doctrine. None of them really mentioned faith or works being a means of salvation, but membership!!!!

This site (*Click me*) had the "entire" listing of sources I gathered from the others more or less. After I read it, my heart just broke. This one especially:
Pope Eugene IV, (1388-1447) Cantate Domino
"It [the Church] firmly believes, professes, and proclaims that those not living within the Catholic Church, not only pagans, but also Jews and heretics and schismatics cannot become participants in eternal life, but will depart 'into everlasting fire which was prepared for the devil and his angels' [Matt. 25:41], unless before the end of life the same have been added to the flock; and that the unity of the ecclesiastical body is so strong that only to those remaining in it are the sacraments of the Church of benefit for salvation, and do fastings, almsgiving, and other functions of piety and exercises of Christian service produce eternal reward, and that no one, whatever almsgiving he has practiced, even if he has shed blood for the name of Christ, can be saved, unless he has remained in the bosom and unity of the Catholic Church."

But then farther down the website, it quotes from post Vatican II documents and the Catechism about how pagans and atheists can be saved...what is going on!?

When it comes to religion, I want to know what I am "Confirming". If I belong to a church, I want to say I can positively agree with it's tenets, though I know some people say it's ok to disagree on certain aspects, I agree. I agree when it comes to minor things like modesty, or confession, or music, etc. But not when it comes to salvation matters and other beliefs that hold a lot of weight. I love the Catholic Church as it has been my home since birth, she created our Bible and has passed down the faith for 2,000 years. That's incredible, however, I just don't know how to reconcile decrees and beliefs that are so contradictory and ridiculous.

A Christian who professes his/her faith in Jesus and believes His sacrifice liberates us from our sins, is saved. Period. in my book. What do you think? For the Catholics out there, have you read these sources before? Thoughts?

Peace & Blessings!

Sunday, January 17, 2010


This past year has been one of great changes and I have made a conscious effort to make 2010 just as successful. And I started this with addressing one of the oldest sins I've struggled with. For years I would tell myself "this *sin* isn't that doesn't hinder you spiritually really...etc" But in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to clean up my act. Completely by accident, I read an article on the matter (about how counter-productive this was in a believer's life) and it was as if I had been divinely touched because this sin that I had allowed to hang around, and acted so casually about, for so long just left me. I talked differently, thought differently, and acted differently on the subject.

(I know I am being really vague, but it's something I am so thankful has changed and I want to totally disconnect from the "old me")

However, the problem is not in my everyday life, but in my dreams. I never dreamed about this sin or's something we would do when we were...awake? This is kind of hard to explain, but it wasn't something that consumed me, it was just a sin that I allowed to become too lax in my life when really it should have been cleansed years ago. But now all of a sudden, I dream about it. It's become a recurring nightmare. When I am dreaming, I think of the article and everything and I say to myself, you turned your back on acting this way...but let's just do it once more for kicks! And then when I wake up, it feel like it truly happened and I become ashamed/discouraged that I made a conscious decision to repent and turn from it, and just allowed myself to sin again for "fun". ( Sin is never fun! )But then I dreamed all worries.

Where is this coming from? Maybe I just feel like it's too good to be true that God repaired this part of my life so...instantly and now I am on edge of reverting to my old ways? It's weird...I don't quite know what to make of it yet. Hopefully God can start stripping my subconscious of whatever it is that's plaguing me!

pray for me!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Learning contentment along with other pearls

But godliness with contentment is great gain.
1 Timothy 6:6

This scripture has been a "God-send" to me for my new life at college. I (as you are most definitely aware)have been struggling with living away from home and the pressures of the university world. I knew I had to make a change this semester, being so depressed was NOT God's calling in my life. How can I serve Him when I let myself fall down? My focus is going to be positive from my return to school to my very last final in May. I know there will be some blue moments, trying moments, and overwhelming moments, but I am going to give up my struggles this time around rather than hold them inside. I'm going to keep contentment at the forefront of my mind in any and every situation seeing as God has blessed me with an education, food, family, & friends! How can I complain? So keep praying for me! This will be (and has already proven to be) one of the most difficult struggles and adjustments of my life--emotionally as well as physically.

On to another fun topic...heehee. Love! Ok I always seem to focus on the same few topics: Modesty, love, school, headcoverings, etc! But I simply cannot help myself. I'm young and many of the blogs I read (well the teenager bloggers) create a lot of love/marriage centered posts. I'm going to be 19 this year...whoa that was weird to write out...but anyways. Turning 19 is a scary point for me. Many of my cousins, who have been dating steadily for years now, met their boyfriends at around this time. I have friends who are already engaged. And oddly enough, I've been proposed to twice already. So marriage is on my mind, however I'm not seeking or pursuing it in this point in my life.

I will admitt that I think about it a lot. I have met one Christian guy at school and he off the bat started discussing marriage (not between us!) I think he is going down the courtship path, which was something I thought was the safest and godliest way to discern marriage, but I think it stays strictly within Protestant circles.

My friend made a comment about there being only elderly, middle aged, and children/pre-confirmation aged parishioners in the 3 churches we attend and how she just plans on settling on a non-religious man to marry. I really hadn't worried about meeting guys before, but this year I have really rewired my brain toward a more holy lifestyle and now the guys I was once easily able to hook are not the guys I want to be around. A good Christian man is hard to find and a Catholic one is even harder. The only catholics guys my age that I have met, with a sincere faith, are not interested in dating or marriage at all...because they are discering vocations. Which is an INCREDIBLE thing!! Very honorable. I just wonder...with a school like the one I attend...where is it that I will find a husband in the future? No relationships I cultivate here will really be anything I'm looking for years down the road....after graduation and on. It's just something we have to blindly follow God with, but it's such an exciting part of life that I can't help but wonder.

where did you meet your spouses/fiancees? (for those who are married) and how long did you date/court? were you more traditional or did you do things "your way"?

Peace & Blessings!~

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


I don't know how many of you watch EWTN, but late at night they have a program for young adults & teens about purity, modesty, sexuality and how it applies to the Catholic faith (and really to any Christian!) One of the hosts, Jason Evert, has a little clip on youtube about modesty I thought was spot on ;)


Monday, January 11, 2010

Sola Scriptura...thoughts.

I posted a video challenging sola scriptura before, but I was thinking about it again recently and I had some questions. I was trying to find a christian discussion forum yesterday and I found a really cool one....that was until I saw the rules prohibiting "Catholic talk" and that it could only be mentioned in the 1 on 1 debate section or the End of Times section. How one sided could you get?! And there was one question as to why this was a rule, and the immediate response was "Catholics tend to get aggressive". Umm...I think anyone with an ounce of passion for their faith will defend it...and if the forum is 95% protestant, there is probably a lot of instigation.

I haven't posted there yet...I'm a little hesitant, but I have read through some of their topics. The sola scriptura topic stood out. The author preached this doctrine while simultaneously bashing the "blood thirsty catholics". Mhm. Well immediately I asked myself why anyone can hate the RCC and love the Bible. The Catholics MADE the bible people! And even if you have grievances with the Church, which I sometimes do, it's impossible to completely cut ties with her. How could they trust the Catholics to create the Bible, but then spit on them for their teachings? Their 2,000 year old teachings. I feel like Protestants don't realize that there were OTHER gospels out there at the time of the compilation. How can they affirm that those Gospels had no divine inspiration? Why is the Bible we know today accepted rather than questioned by them?

I feel like...had the Bible been the basis of the Church (i.e created prior to the creation of the church itself) then I could see the point. Maybe the sola scriptura is the true way to understand Christianity. But that's not how it was. The Church created the Bible. And the men who compiled it had reasons and interpretations that were obviously guided by the Holy Spirit. Protestants cannot refute this or else their Bible and their doctrine fail.

Gah I am trying so hard to simply understand how this doctrine remotely makes sense. When they say "The spirit guides us today and our interpretation is God breathed"...then why are there so many Protestant denominations?

Anyone here believe in sola scriptura? How do you reconcile these points?
Blessings to all!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Bible: In a Year

I was watching the tail end of Copeland on TBN the other day (a Christian show, for the unfamiliar) and the sermon really spoke to me. Ironically, I forgot what was being said (I have been watching a lot of EWTN and TBN shows recently) however the message interested me enough that I looked up his website. There, I clicked around and found a year long bible reading schedual *found here* which I thought was a neat idea. Many of the bloggers on here who posted their bible scheduals for the new year posted a couple of days into the month. For some stupid reason I didn't think I could catch up...and so I waited longer.

This morning I woke up and after watching an episode of the Duggars, I felt a push to start reading asap. Josh & Anna read scripture together every morning, or from what I see on the show, and for a time, I too started my day with God. (For some reason, the laziness kicked in, as did all the other issues I have posted already, and I stopped reading altogether) I also read a young Christian girl's blog who posed the idea of reading just as many times as you eat meals (or any food) because spiritual nourishment is just as important as physical. What a nifty idea eh? Well anyways, long story short, I wrote down the scripture I missed from January 1st to today...the 9th...and boy has it been a long day! haha I had 20 chapters of Genesis in addition to 11 chapters of Matthew. I have only gotten my Genesis accomplished...Matthew is next on the night's agenda. The reason it took me so long was because I wanted to do more than read this time around. I highlighted, meditated, and wrote notes down chapter by chapter. This way I can remember the teachings I am learning.

I was also pondering how lucky I am to have a Bible to read, I shouldn't take it for granted. Why did the RCC make it illegal to print and or read the Bible in the past? I read somewhere that it was illegal to purchase or own a bible until the 1800's in Italy. What the heck? Why? I know they must have feared a misunderstanding of the text from the laity, but the catechism and sound preaching/teaching could solve that. There's been a lot of weird things the RCC and the popes have done throughout the makes me think, how could God have appointed or supported such people and their behavior?

Oh and random question: why does Abraham tell Sarah to tell the kings she is his sister multiple times? He says he feared being killed for being her husband...but it's such a weird part of the story.

That's what's going on here, thanks for reading :)

Friday, January 1, 2010

Spiritual Inspiration

I have been thinking about my spiritual walk lately. (as I have been for weeks now) Today I was watching Kimdonesia's channel and thevintagegoth on and I realized I see a lot of myself in their struggles. Kim was always a very passionate religious girl...we got in a fight over facebook once about the Jews and she also answered a youtube pm from me warning me about hell and how I could get to jannah. I thought she was a crazy fundamentalist at the time, but if you simply switch religions...I see myself. I get angry with myself if I don't cover my head, I've been focusing on modesty too extremely (sleeve length, skirts only, pants, pant length, swimsuits), I try so hard to study the Catholic feast days and rememorize the mass, the prayers, the gestures etc, and I have caught myself avoiding some people due to their flaws & sins rather than reaching out to them and providing support and simple love.

Erin, thevingtagegoth, asked a question about the legitimacy of the Qu'ran on her channel and a woman named Brekketechie posted a Christian response. She was so articulate in her expression of beliefs and the message of Christ. She said she believed the Bible itself, while the word of God, is flawed because imperfect creatures were the ones to physically record a perfect message. At first I was a little disgusted by could she think the Bible is flawed? But then I recalled myself questioning it's perfect status when I read certain scriptures.

I have been so angry with myself for so many weeks now because of my little doubts, questions, and struggles that have surfaced. I thought I was so alienated from God for He knows what has been going on in my head. I cannot hide my thoughts and that even further upset me and I fell into a bit of a depression. I wanted to work my issues out in privacy, away from God's presence and then come back when I was "fixed". Brekketechie made the point in her video that it should be ok to have these down periods in one's spiritual walk (without feeling shame!) & that we're supposed to grow with God, he'll use these moments to teach us and guide us. I felt like she had been talking directly to me, it was phenomenal how applicable it was to my situation.

So I'm going to start this new year with this outlook. I want to stop trying to learn the ways of the RCC for now (and any other dogmas mj protestant or catholic.), stop covering, stop swearing, and stop separating the religious from the non. I will be wearing modest clothes w/o obsessing over inches and style, and focusing my attention on God's love and putting it into practice in my life. Yeshua commanded us to love and even stated that all the laws hung on this one. Such a little request proves to be my greatest challenge each and every day. How can I love someone who yells at me? mocks me? sins in every way possible? I need to keep in mind that it is NOT my position to judge their sins, God will hold us all accountable. I don't need to teach my room mates or friends ANYTHING, God will. So when I remove the need to control sin around me and forgive with an open heart, love will come naturally. And when others see my loving attitude and behavior, they will see God and it will bring glory to Him. This will hopefully be a period of just me and God. I don't need all the answers yet...he'll get me there in His timing. I trust this journey I am on, and you should too because YHVH the One True God is leading the way.

We Can Not Fail With Him Guiding Our Steps.
I also want to make a shout out to all my faithful readers. You guys have provided me with your words of wisdom, support, and kind words. I am so blessed and I want to let you know how thankful I am that you take time to read & post here. You make this blog worth it all!
Peace to all, may the Lord teach you and bless you this year!
With Love,