Wednesday, October 21, 2009

And with the Good comes the Bad.

This week has been a roller coaster of emotions and challenges. I have experienced so many blessings and at the same time, so many hardships. I feel like it is important for me to record my trials not only so I can look back and be encouraged by what I have already overcome, but also so I can relieve my pent up frustrations. I'm sure many of you have been here, seeing as I'm just a college student with little world experience.

*But before I begin, I have been informed that the Anglican Church is to be in full communion with the RCC. This totally took me off guard, but what a miracle! This is a huge milestone in our history as Christians. Story Here

So Mondays are my weekly meetings with my Catholic ministry group on campus and I was informed that Tuesday they were taking a trip to a neighboring college for fellowship and prayer. I was definitely planning on going, not only for spiritual encouragement, but for meeting students who share my values. My room mate usually attends the monday meetings, but when she said she would go to the tuesday trip too...I was shocked! She's not a very religious girl (she's very pro-abortion, pro gay marriage, doesn't attend church, hates when people take an abnormal interest in their faith, etc) so I thought maybe these meetings were changing her. The first month she would get angry with the topics the group adressed (like...abortion *sigh*) and she would make fun of people sitting in the room, of course in a whisper, but cmon!! We're here to praise God, not sin. I thought that maybe God was working in her heart and my perserverance through her tantrums in the meetings and her slandering tongue was finally paying off.

We had a blast at the college visit! Our ministry is primarily girls and the other school's is primarily boys, so we had a nice mix at this meeting. But as soon as we got home, my other room mate lashed out. She had had a terrible night, but the things she said broke my heart. She told us we had turned into Jesus Freaks (which is a title I gladly accept!) and that going to a religious meeting more than once a week was pathetic. She then proceeded to tell me her friend from our hall had ripped pages out of the Bible and burned the ones he disliked. I felt my heart sink...right down to the pit of my stomach. I had trouble holding back tears as she bragged about this disgusting act and then, to my utter ASTONISHMENT, I heard Laughing. Laughing. From none other than the room mate who attended the ministry trip with me just minutes prior. I realized at that moment that nothing had changed in her. She still hated the instructions of the Word of God. I had nothing to say. I couldn't bring myself to even react I was so distressed. It took them 15 minutes to ask what was wrong with me and all I could spit out was "I didn't think what he did was funny at all".

I felt like I had let God down. I should be a warrior in defending his Word and I let my emotions get the best of me. But what good would it have done if had better stuck up for my beliefs? Nothing would have changed. They would still be the same 2 miserable people they have been all year. They would just consider me a religious fundementalist on top of whatever else they already think of me. College is proving to be more difficult than I could have ever imagined, not for the work aspect, but for the social aspect. I'm sick of the gossip, the lying, the slander, the drunken idiots filling my dorm, the other morons high off of who knows what drug, and most importantly, the utter disrespect for God. I knew that in attending a liberal college I would be a religious minority, however I did not expect such disrespect. (what happened to the Liberal motto of "having an open mind" and being "accepting of everyone"?) I'm a laughing stock to them, my values mean nothing. I cry all the time now. My only comfort here is mass, my nightly rosary, and my ministry meetings. And the occasional visit home.

God has blessed me so greatly all week in helping me grow spiritually through the rosary each night, keeping me focused, calm, and prepared for ALL of my midterms, in providing for my little desires, and giving me such an amazing opportunity to meet new Catholics. I have it all and yet the moments above make it hard to remember that I am not doing this all alone. I have not been forsaken...I'm incredibly blessed by The Most High Himself!! I just need to take a step back every time I am feeling down and remember these things are minor and are only making me a stronger Catholic. (side note: a lot of the problems here at school are heavily linked to some ongoing dorm/suite issues, so although the issue above looks small, it was kind of like "the straw that broke the camels back")

I'm doing much better now. I am catching up on the Little Mosque on the Prairie episodes I have missed, Glee later, and un peu de devoir. (a little hw) I also had a nice trip out with my mom today :) It's always a blessing to have your parents around to keep you balanced in such a chaotic environment! Praise Yah!

I hope you all have a great week; enjoy the time you have with yout families, don't take it for granted. Because us college students miss the home cooking and our familiesss :P



Stacy aka Fahiima said...

Wow! I can see why you're upset. It seems like ppl today expect you to fully embrace immoral behavior instead of merely tolerating it. However, when it comes to someone being religious, then you are intolerant because you don't embrace everyone else's bad choices.

One thing's for sure, you are developing a lot of patience in dealing with people. May Yah continue to bless you with his presence during this rough time.

Mama Kalila said...

As for what happened - I am so sorry.. That's rough. Prayers.

The Anglican thing... Hate to burst your bubble there (but this is still a good thing, just not as good as what you put)... but they aren't coming into full Communion. The pope just opened up the option for them to do so if they choose... some will be, some won't... it'll kinda be like Eastern Rite Catholics vs. Eastern Orthodox... only they (the ones that come back) will be part of the Latin Rite. I'm over simplifying... but still. What confuses me is why they keep ignoring the fact (in news stories) that this has already been done on a small scale... We have an Anglican Use Catholic Church here in town and I know its not the only one in existence lol.

~Joseph the Worker said...

Sorry to hear about your friends. I've learned that we have to accept being disappointed in others...especially when we consider how often we live disappointing lives ourselves. I'm glad to hear you found a good group..and don't totally discount your friend. Sometimes people who are edging into faith might not feel very comfortable standing up for what they believe at the outset - give her time and prayers.

Anonymous said...

sis...everyone does not want the truth. There are people with sealed hearts. You are too need to accept that.
I am a Muslim and well, I thought like that too. But people who dont believe in Allah/God/YHWH ur self from the pain of their blasphemy...too much of it will turn you evil your choice, sis. this is simple need to stay away from bad a bit stronger...sis...even this is a test/a trial.

Anonymous said...

I cry all the time now.

you gotta fight kid.
you got the truth...and you cant fight back? and they have all the false crap...sis...and they think they can cower u? u can hope for they cant hope for. FIGHT. You have to me...their is no other way out...and i dont mean verbal argument:like stop trying to be friendly with them. they are acting like hypocrites...are u scared of them? if u friendly to them despite their junk...then u r either turning into a hypocrite or a coward...if u arent then shun their company.
if everyone is so bloody good...why do we have liars, hypocrites, murderers etc.? everyone aint good, nor is everyone inclined to do good. u know what bravery sis? it is accepting the truth ok???? it is accepting that ull die someday...u need to give an account for your actions...u are brave....u face rejection and what not for u belive in..compared to spineless people who cant take up a cause...
take up a cause...take it to the end then.

Anonymous said...

i cry all the time too.
look if u believe in something...u gotta stop the crying ...u gotta get up and fight...if u r right then YHWH will help right?? then what are u scared of?

Anonymous said...

i am a practising muslim.
i get the same shit.
they think i am nuts.
for what???
cuz i dont want to use any guy
cuz i dont enjoy it if my male teacher
stares at me in the chest???
it is so disgusting???is it not??

Rubber said...

hopefuly sis
u rnt lying?
i mean r u really trying so hard???

R.A.~ said...

Thanks for all the comments and advice! I had a rough week and I kind of took a mini hiatus, but I'm back, with renewed strength and faith and will post again soon :)

may God bless you all!

Lucy said...

That incident with the pope muscling in on the Anglicans was very rude.He didn't even consult the head of the Anglican church on the matter.I bet the pope would have been offended if the Anglicans had done that to him with all those Catholic women who want higher positions in the church.

~Joseph the Worker said...

They certainly didn't mind sending an overture to Fr. Cutie down in Florida when he claimed he could not help but give up on celibacy.