Sunday, November 22, 2009

Where Have I Been?

Hello bloggers!
It's been a hard month for me blog-wise and I cannot apologize enough! There have been a few things I had wanted to blog about, but they just didn't sound right when written out. However, I realize I need to write something, even if it is a little all over the place.

I know this has been beaten to death, but I heard about Kimdonesia. I almost fainted when I watched the video...certainly this was not the same girl! She had deleted me from her facebook account only a month ago for defending the fact that Jews were not going to be the dajal or antichrist...or whatever it was...and for someone who was so passionate to lose the passion so fast was scary. It made me take a look at my faith and reevaluate where I was going. I am no stranger to a loss of passion in my faith, in fact I am currently in a dry spell as we speak. However, I am diligent to stoke the flames. Today in church, as I prepared myself for the Eucharist, I could feel the heat of my tears welling up in my eyes. Being in the Lord's presence was very healing, all my emotions, anxieties, thanks, and praises were pouring out of me. It made me realize that I have some things I need to work on spiritually and despite the fact I may become lax in my faith, that YHVH is ALWAYS working overtime. Just as I wouldn't forget to show and tell my spouse how much I care and love him, I cannot and will not forget to show YHVH my heart; for He ALONE is the only one worthy of my love and time.

I also have realize that this walk of mine is all my own. I can never hope for or rely that someone, whether it be a friend or my future spouse, will help me spiritually, because humans are just that...human. We are unreliable and normally let others down. I am just as guilty, if not more so, than everyone else. If I want to know God, I need to find Him on my own time, on my own terms. The past couple of weeks have been insane. I've grown close to people I haven't talked to in over a year and I have grown apart from people whom I thought we close. To start, I was invited to a dinner party by the upperclassmen in my Catholic ministry group. I was so excited to be accepted by teens my age who took their faith so seriously. When I got there, I saw a whole different side to them. Every single member of the group had an alcoholic beverage in hand. When offered one, I said no, I didn't drink. So I poured myself some apple cider instead. Seeing as it was extremely hot in the small college apartment, I drank A LOT of cider. I began feeling a little dazed and my friend and I decided to leave early. (everyone was on the road to intoxication city anyways) As the cold air hit me I felt a little woozy and I noticed I could not walk a straight line. My friend who also does not drink normally, felt the same. We concluded that the cider must have been spiked...I felt a little betrayed. I know those kids are good kids, but I can't relate to them. My room mates have seen a few of the girls doing reckless things at parties...I don't even want to discuss it in detail. But how can one's focus be on the Lord if you go to church sunday and then continue to behave like any other secular college student? We are called to be SEPARATE! I can't even tell the different from them and the rest.

I wondered if I was doing a good enough job representing my faith to others and then I heard my room mate telling her friend (who I had NEVER spoken with) that I was going to...*and the girl chimed in* "go to a Jesus function?" So if nothing else, I'm known as a Jesus girl haha so I no longer have a true pool of serious Catholic friends any longer, but I am finally at peace with doing this alone. It's going to be a hard journey, every single step. And I know there will be countless moments where I feel utterly alone, but my suffering will be promptly given up to Yeshua. He has even brought my mother and I closer than ever...it's simply brilliant. God is so good! (I will briefly mention that I have contacted my ex-best friend. she was like a sister to me for years, but an unfortunate fight ended everything so suddenly 1.5 years ago...I feel so lucky to have mended things...pray for me that God's will will be accomplished in this situation :) )

Also, On a Quest for Plain Living posted a great...post...haha...about the Sabbath. While I have returned to the Catholic Church, I still have my heart in the Old Testament. I love the sabbath, and I'm sorry, but God gave the 10 commandments forever even if the Laws of Moses were specifically for the Jews. (this may be a topic for later...) So I will strive to keep the sabbath. I started up again this weekend. I had a buttload of homework, but I rested this Sabbath and miraculously got it all done today. YHVH blesses those who obey ;)

I hope you all have a great & godly week!
Keep God at the forefront of your heart & soul...
don't let satan to steal your faith from you no matter
how tempting or convenient it seems...
Shalom/Pax/Salaam.
~R.A

4 comments:

Stacy aka Fahiima said...

You also don't have to specifically leave the ranks of mainline Christianity to keep the 7th day sabbath. One of my college profs keeps the sabbath on saturday and goes to church on sunday. I think you just need to keep your head in scripture and find a few people that you can talk about spiritual things with.
That's pretty bad about the spiked cider at the party. Some people can't be trusted I guess.

Ahavah-Shim'on said...

you said:

I also have realize that this walk of mine is all my own.

... I think that indeed must have been a profound revelation to you...

and you are right 'Quest's' post is inspiring indeed....

I am glad you have decided to return back to the old paths... and your starting point? Keeping the seventh day Shabbat...

did I mention I was proud of you? being in college is not the easiest place for any young person to be... xx

R.A.~ said...

@ Stacy: yeah I never thought it was possible to do so...I would google search things like "sabbath keeping catholics" or read christian forums where they whole heartedly comdemned sabbath observance...however I know now I need to do things my way, the way I feel YHVH is guiding me. and I may be 100% alone in doing so, but that's my cross to bear and I'll gladly take it up. Thanks for your support on my blog throughout all of this :)

@ Ahavah-Shim'on: thank you so much for your encouraging words! You don't know how much they mean to me. I'm so appreciative that I have readers like you to reinforce my walk with Adonai :)

baruch HaShem!

Rubber said...

they keep making fun of you
for believing in God
it is insane
i mean i dont get them.
Rubber