Monday, March 1, 2010
So, on this Lenten journey I am taking, I thought it would be appropriate to really "re-sculpt" my character. Now, I've tried this a lot, and posted about it, and have always fallen short. For a while, I've just "gone with the flow" of who I am and how I act, but upon going home this weekend, I discovered a simple necklace that seem to have changed my mindset completely.
Mary, as in the Mother of Jesus, has always been a controversial subject with me...coming from a protestant perspective and all. My mom, as she knows I have been studying my Catholic faith for some time now, has been leaving me Catholic jewelry, rosaries, books, etc in my room for me when I come back to visit. This time, I found a little prayer card with a little ovular necklace taped to the back. The medal had Mary on it and the text around her read "O Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee. 1830".
I didn't realize it was a miraculous medal at the time, but I felt a strong urge to start wearing this necklace, and thus I immediately put it on. For a split second I wondered "Should I?...What if this is not what God wants? Is this an idol?" But literally, one moment later, my worries vanished and I felt very at peace wearing it. I even felt a stronger sense of her presence when I was asking for intersessions...it was just weird to me, but I liked having this medal around my neck. I have been asking God for guidance over a certain area of my life that I am utterly confused about, but after asking for Mary's intercession, my mind immediately calmed. I was dumbfounded, I have been going absolutely insane for weeks over this matter and in one simple prayer, no different from the others, I get exactly what I needed. Clarity and peace.
I put the necklace back on today at school and I have been feeling more of a pull to say my rosary, read the bible, have compassion on those who hurt me (and believe you me, that's not a natural instinct from this stubborn sister!!), practice not talking so much and just keeping things between God and myself (another not so "me" character), and to learn more about the complexities of the faith. I looked down at this little medal and did a google search, where I found that this was a miraculous medal. (What are medals with other saints called?) I read the story Saint Catherine Laboure and her visions that eventually lead to the creation of this medal. This story of Marian visions reminded me of the story at Fatima, which I then searched as well. I am coming to see there is more to Mary than I have understood thus far. I definitely have a lot to learn from her, her life, and her Son and it's high time I put my protestant anxieties behind me and let God work His plans out for me. I'm excited that this stage is beginning, as I always wondered if I could ever make the hurdle past Mary...who was she to me anyway? But now, I can almost taste the spiritual fruit I will reap by building this relationship with her.
Maybe this mysterious pull to her is God's way of telling me He thinks it is time to introduce me to His mother ;)
Pray for me! And may God bless you all on your journies,