So this weekend's past events made me realize I need to find some better middle ground. I have really restricted myself fun-wise and so I gave in and went the extreme opposite of going to a party. Going to a party itself is not bad, but after some time there, there were definitely temptations of the mind and body happenin'. Thus I know it will not be right for me to return, not only will I allow myself to be weakened, but the guys (sorry guys) around me think I want them to make advances due to the atmosphere.
However, going gave me a rush. Some parts of it gave me flashbacks of my life before I became a Christian, where that rush of fun happened often (not everything was sinful either). That slight feeling of danger, of living life to its fullest...those are memories and experiences that can never be replaced. I still have them to this day after years of being shoved away in a closet. But my dilemma is how to unleash that excitement and sense of adventure, without crossing moral boundaries.
I want to live each day to its fullest...how can I inject some "fun juice" into my life? I guess I am so worried about this because (well for one, I was berated for not loosening up at the party and extensive thought made me wonder if I really am just dull...) when I was asked recently "what do you do for you? for fun?" All I could think of was that I like to draw...read maybe...crochet?...but that really isn't who I am and who I have been before. I feel like I am closing myself off from my true self by trying to conform to how I think I should act and compose myself. But then again, does God want me to conform this way? Am I supposed to abandon the past completely and forget about the person I once was? Sometimes I think maybe the reason I get so down so fast is that I am living in a body...or a way...that is not my own and by not being true to myself and what/who I am and love, I'm slowly losing my passion and love for life itself. I'm just going through the motions.
So I guess, to what extent should I cut myself off from the world? I don't want to keep going down this road...with no sense of true happiness and excitement and then look back on my youth and wish I had used it differently. I don't want to be a predictable person or marry a predictable man and live in a perfect little predictable town. I want everyday to be new and exciting...to be an adventure truly worth living.
2 comments:
Nothing wrong with a bit of adventure. And not all parties are bad either. When I was in college, I had the good fortune to be acquainted with some brothers in a frat whose parties were NOT the meat market type thing. So I basically did all my partying there.
If a person wanted to engage in sinful activities, no doubt there were opportunities even at this place, but it was not at all necessary to take these opportunities in order to have a good time at the party. You could just dance, talk to people and that would be fine. Didn't even have to get drunk.
One word of advice about parties - never drink anything at a party that looks like Kool-Aid. Grain alcohol has absolutely no taste. And if you are partying in the wrong sort of place, you might even have to worry about other substances in there too - an old roommate's younger brother had that happen to him and he ended up with permanent brain damage from it...
Other ways of adventure: you can get off campus a bit, go out to a nice Greek restaurant on a street where EVERYTHING is possible, grab a classmate and be the first in line for rush tickets to see the orchestra, go out for dinner at a Greek diner that has Greek folk dancing nights with live band, or head out to that place at 3 AM for a late night bite. See, at while my college had excellent dining service, the meal plan did not cover weekends, which was conducive to culinary adventure...
Or join in the activities of the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) - weekly dance and fighting practice, party afterwards. You don't have to drink at the party to have a good time. But one word of advice: there's often a party after the party and things can get a bit wild, so you probably need to leave before then. And then say once or twice a year there will be a feast/ball - you can dress up in medieval costume, feast and do all those dances you've been learning at weekly dance practice.
You can join an already existing performance group, or if you play an instrument, you can form your own chamber music group.
The downside of being adventuresome, particularly if you are in a small-scale environment, is that you may find yourself pursuing your adventures alone. Obviously, the more unusual your adventures are, the more this will be the case.
Here's another idea: some years ago, I actually did feel a need for 'something different'. If I'd had money, or found a suitable job, I might even have moved to another country. But since that didn't seem to be possible, I decided to bring that bit of the world to my own home. I met people from other countries online, selectively adopted some of their customs - that's how I ended up in hijab, for example. And then of course if I want to, I can cook something exotic, put some exotic music into the optical drive on my computer, read books that transport me to new places...
I think that's the thing: if you want adventure, you need to be prepared to live your adventurous lifestyle alone. Perhaps people will join you in it, perhaps they won't. But at least you'll have your adventure...
Hello!
Being an adventurous person myself, I do understand what you're saying.
Adventure is something that God has given to us, it is part of his creation. However we do have to be careful not to fall into a sinful type of "adventure." We should still be able to have fun, and enjoy life . . . . not cooped up inside, confined only to the society of our knitting needles. ;) There are plenty of God honoring activities that we can put our hands to!
Romans 12:2 says that our minds should be different from that of the world . . . although we may love adventure, we have to keep it God honoring, first and foremost! :)
Remember . . . God wants us to be "in the world, but not of it." :)
Much love.
Lauren
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