Monday, February 1, 2010

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all
Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all~

This past weekend...cannot be put into words! Ok so from the top I guess...

You know that this week my room mate confided a secret in me. I don't want to expose it here or dishonor my promise to her, but it had to do with body-image problems that led to a very serious *predicament*. I cannot stress how difficult it was for me to process this, how could this seemingly confident girl allow this to happen to her life? I was just shaken, and fearful for her...and her life. My solution was just to constantly pray and sing the Nichole Nordeman song I posted above. That is what sustained me.

All week my room mates had been badgering me to "party" with them. (I'll admit I was a little curious due to my unhappiness with being bored 24/7, but overall I knew I wouldn't enjoy it. I hate the smell of smoke (here there are various kinds...if you get what I mean) and I dislike the smell and taste of alcohol. Not to mention I do not want to deal with guys trying to get "lucky".) I politely declined once. But they persisted all week, everyday, multiple times a day. I felt suffocated and my politeness was beginning to wear thin.

Swing to friday the wee hours of the morning Saturday. My room mate came back with her 2 friends (male & female) all drunk beyond recognition. They came into our room, not only woke me, but said things and did things I was so uncomfortable with. (And with the environment I live in, I don't get uncomfortable quite so easily anymore.) I couldn't leave either, I had to struggle through it. I basically just hid under my blanket praying for the moment to end. The next morning my room just reeked of alcohol, the bathroom of reverse peristalsis. I just wanted to cry & give up. Move out.

When they all finally left, I cracked open my Bible. I was SICK of feeling hopeless, helpless, and pathetic. I needed to get past this and become strong. Find answers or at least some comfort. I was severely behind in my "read the bible in a year" schedule so I spent a good 3 hours just reading, taking notes, and meditating over the scripture. (However Matthew & Mark repeat the same accounts almost word for word. I felt like I had just re-read the same gospel.)

In Matthew 25, it really hit home that I cannot become negligent in my faithfulness and I cannot allow for any lapses of my diligence in leading a Godly life. I don't want to become like the 5 unprepared virgins. I need to get my act together NOW and be on guard for the rest of my life. We don't know when God will return, or when we will die, and so we must always look to the Lord for strength and sustenance. In addition to that parable, we read about the master and his three servants who are entrusted with "talents". In Matthew 25:21 specifically, we read:

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

When I read this, I was floored. It was as if God was speaking directly to me. I have been entrusted with a heavy burden, not because God has forgotten about me, not because He doesn't care, or is punishing me...He TRUSTS me. He is giving me a valuable opportunity to please Him. He's seen what fruit I have produced elsewhere and now He is adding to my responsibilities to glorify Him in the end. My despair from the night before just vaporized after this.

When my room mate returned, we had a talk. I basically laid out what I had been feeling and what direction I know my life is going. I don't have time to be getting drunk and acting in totally unholy & impure ways. As the conversation progressed, we got into talking about her life and her problems and I could see it in her eyes the realization washing over her. It was like something had clicked in her and she agreed with the points I had been making. I could just feel God in the room with us, guiding my tongue.

So finally, I have conquered. I literally gave it up to God this weekend and He turned my helplessness into positive action. I was placed in an incredibly uncomfortable situation and I did not buckle. I stood up for my lifestyle and I even took baby steps in guiding my room mate. I feel very I am the one in control, not the peer pressure and temptations that lay around me. Praise the Lord, He is SO Good!!!

I will leave you with these words from Mother Teresa:
"God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try."

Peace & Blessings to all!
PS- I will be joining this purity challenge 2010 this week, maybe tonight, so keep an eye out for those posts shortly ;)


~Joseph the Worker said...

Have you ever read or learned about the Catholic practice of "Lectio Divina"? It's basically the same idea you are espousing here, of reading scripture and listening to what God might be telling you personally.

Keep the faith, and I continue to pray for you and offer up masses for you and others I know at different stages of their lives including prayers to the blessed sacrament. Pray for me and my family if you get a chance, a prayer from a "godly" person like you might be a good thing!

R.A.~ said...

Thank you Joseph that means a lot that you keep me in your prayers! I have been, & will continue to, keep you in my prayers as well :)

I have never heard of Lectio Divina, but I am on my way to google it! I love learning new bits of my faith

Jessica Faith said...

good job r.a. :)