I am a bundle of nerves as my move in date for college approaches. Not only am I scared of living away from home, with a suite of 9 girls who can't wait to "par-tay", but I am also afraid that I picked the WRONG college to go to. Since sophomore year of high school I always envisioned myself in the health care system as a nurse practitioner or a midwife, but I decided I needed to be in a school that had diversity enough to where I could change my mind if I wished. All of the schools I applied to had a nursing major and also education (teaching), which I have been torn between. In my senior year of high school, my careers teacher told me she almost became a nurse, but the sheer terror of the situations she faced made her quit. Since then I was weary of my original nursing plan, but I was glad I chose a school that still had it.
My school, as of this very year, is now phasing out of it's program and no incoming freshmen can be enrolled. What are the chances? I found this out just I was doing further research into midwifery options. My only choices now is to transfer and PRAY another program will accept me (since all of the ones in my state are EXTREMELY competitive) or finish my bachelore's degree where I am and get an A.A.S nursing degree at a community college, proceed on to my BSN, and then go to further school to get a CNM. No matter what, it's like wasting 4 years of tuition and time just to start over.
I cannot help but think this was a God's will; maybe I needed this so I wouldn't pursue nursing. Maybe he wants me to be a teacher, or maybe it's something totally different. I can't picture myself in many other careers. I feel like I may lack the authority to be a teacher and I dread the thought of student teaching since I know how my high school classes hated and disrespected all student teachers. However, as a teacher, I will make the same money as a nurse/midwife if not more with the incredible benefits the state pays in addition to the amazing schedule and vacation time I would receive. Which is good to think about for the future when I will someday have a family. I don't want my *future* (haha) kids to go to summer camps and day cares all summer because I feel God wants me, the mother, to raise them.
Sometimes it is so hard to stay on the path God has set out for you. It's like walking through a pitch black tunnel; you have nothing but trust in His guidance. I just need prayer right now! :(