Ah today today; got a lot done, but it won't look like much on "paper" haha. I woke up early...for a Sunday...at 8:00. My room mate had asked me to go to church with her this weekend, but had drank a little too much last night and did not want to wake up this morning. Upon waking, still very drowsy, I pondered putting my head back on my pillow and going back to sleep for a few hours. I didn't know how to get to the church, I didn't know who to sit with, and I was exhausted! But then I remembered how I hadn't been to church yet, I hadn't read much scripture on my own, and I hadn't joined a single religious club to reap my spiritual benefits...I HAD to go!
I got dressed the way I thought was appropriate for Catholic mass, the way I always have with one minor alteration: an ankle length skirt, 3/4 length shirt, and a head covering. It was a cute one too, nothing out of the ordinary religious/amish, in fact I have seen other girls wear similar ones around campus. I thought nothing of it. I got lost walking into town, as I knew I would (hence why I left 30 minutes early), and finally found the church. I excitedly walked in alone and took a seat toward the back. Soon as people filed in, the seats around me filled. On either side of me was a mother with a baby and a mother with 2 young boys. At first all was well, I got a lot of stares, but I didn't mind. I knew I was a "new comer", I understood some curiosity!
But it got weird fast. The one mother would NOT stop glaring at me. I smiled, but I was really unsettled. It didn't take long before her boys started acting up too. They were rustling bags, yelling, walking down the aisles, and JUMPING on the hymnals and NEW TESTAMENTS! I was awe-struck! What in the world?! Why wasn't she stopping them?! Where was the respect and reverence in these children?! When I was their age I was absolutely SILENT! Not only would my mother and grandmother not allow bad behavior, but my religious ed teachers were serious about respect in God's house. I wasn't scared into being well behaved, I did it to please God. I knew he was in Church; this was HIS house and I was a guest. That's why watching this train wreck in front of me baffled me! I was literally disgusted.
Once in a while I would look around at the parish. The women behind me looked uneasy and I didn't know why. By this point I thought I had done something or had something on me. They were looking me up and down, and since I was in a white skirt, I thought I had had my period (sorry to be so blunt lol my room mate had just previously gotten hers off schedual and so it was on my mind as a possibility)...or sat in something unpleasent. Why else would I cause a distraction? I kept looking behind myself to see if I could see anything to freak them out, but I saw nothing. My skirt was white. So I tried hard to concentrate despite the stares, the baby throwing things to my right and the wild boys to my left.
The hand shaking moment came. For the non-Catholics, we shake hands at one point in mass to show peace to your neighbor. No matter who is around you, whether it be strangers, friends, family, or enemy, you shake their hand and say "peace be with you!!" You just do! I put my hand out and *get this* I was ignored by the man and women in front of me, ignored by the mother and the baby, and the woman behind me WAVED at me as I had my hand waiting for hers in the air!! She waved. You don't wave! And it wasn't like she was just a germ-a-phobe, she shook the people around her's hands fine. So I stood there, alone, with no hand shakes for a good couple seconds while everyone else participated in the ritual.
I can't help but laugh now because as I re-read my blog, I see how rejected I am by everyone I come in contact with. I must have a sign on my forehead that says "stay away!" hahahahaha. However, I was invited after mass to the catholic campus ministry at my school by the members of the club and I plan to go. I never had a problem in the RCC/mass before today...such a weird/freak expirience. When I told my 2 Catholic room mates, they laughed so hard! They had never expirienced it either, everyone shakes, even if you desperately don't want to. You just do!
Anyways, I don't know why I was stood up :P Maybe it was my covering, maybe they just didn't trust outsiders...I don't know.
I have been swamped with reading and homework for classes so the rest of my day consisted of solid work, a work out at the gym, a shower, and dinner. That's about it! Class in the am though, so I gotta sign off and get some shut eye!
Peace be with you all ;) hahaha
your sis in the Lord, RA