Ok so finals ended on Thursday...I felt pretty confident at the end, I studied, but I also conquered my anxiety again through prayer, bible time, and meditation. It's simply incredible how I (the worry-wart since childhood...no joke haha) have completely overcome this flaw in me...I know it was only possible through the grace of God...and the comfort of this scripture (one of my favorites!)
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
So after finals, I was whisked away on a minivacation to the beach. It was beautifullllll and it gave me a lot of time to contemplate my life and my purpose here as a young believer. Through this quiet time with the Lord, I was able to reflect on my lack of patience and compassion during "the hard times". I constantly give into the temptation to be hard on people ( and not even just my enemies ) and I see how that is not a true representation of Christ to others...when others, especially non-believers, see me act in such a hot-tempered manner, I am pushing them away from finding the Truth. It's hard to control my anger sometimes, but when it comes, I just meditate on Jesus and let my heart "soften" a bit. It's funny how God knows when He needs to tackle a habit or a problem in our lives, even if we are unaware of it, and He places the SAME obstacles in our paths for "practice". (for instance, I have never needed as much patience as I have this first few days back at home, helping my over-stressed mom around the house, getting my dad every little thing as he is bed-ridden from surgery, and making trips to my Grandmother's to assist her.) It's not even the constant helping, I don't mind serving others so much, it's just the conflicting opinions and frustrations that arise on both sides...it just wears on us and I get close to snapping. I know there are a lot of other flaws within me that may have the same affect on people, but I am tackling these one at a time ;)
But another journey weighing on my heart lately is my "career" at school. I have finally found a program that combines my love for languages, culture, service, and family...but it has also shot dozens of questions my way. I was originally a french major...and I was supposed to study abroad in France next year....and woah did that freak me out! I realized how I was not in love with France like my teacher expected me to be. She made a comment to the class how I was a francophile and thus I lovedddd french culture...and then she made a little joke that, had I been an anglophile, I would simple love crumpets. It made me think-oh boy! I ADORE England...more than France...and that still isn't my favorite culture. (I am a big history buff as well, so when I fall in love with a country, it's normally for the history, the food, the everything haha) I've just always been drawn to different cultures I believe, because I just love people. I love our differences. I love the new sounds of languages and the fact that learning only one new language can open you up to an entire people; a new way of life. And now that I am strong in faith, I see how much of a gift this quality is that I have. My mother always said I was going to travel the world, as this love sprouted in the 3rd grade (I remember it vividly haha!) and now maybe there is a purpose behind it.
I'll save the rest of this story, that ties into my vacation story, for the next post!