Sunday, January 17, 2010

Nightmares!

This past year has been one of great changes and I have made a conscious effort to make 2010 just as successful. And I started this with addressing one of the oldest sins I've struggled with. For years I would tell myself "this *sin* isn't that bad...it doesn't hinder you spiritually really...etc" But in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to clean up my act. Completely by accident, I read an article on the matter (about how counter-productive this was in a believer's life) and it was as if I had been divinely touched because this sin that I had allowed to hang around, and acted so casually about, for so long just left me. I talked differently, thought differently, and acted differently on the subject.

(I know I am being really vague, but it's something I am so thankful has changed and I want to totally disconnect from the "old me")

However, the problem is not in my everyday life, but in my dreams. I never dreamed about this sin or anything...it's something we would do when we were...awake? This is kind of hard to explain, but it wasn't something that consumed me, it was just a sin that I allowed to become too lax in my life when really it should have been cleansed years ago. But now all of a sudden, I dream about it. It's become a recurring nightmare. When I am dreaming, I think of the article and everything and I say to myself, you turned your back on acting this way...but let's just do it once more for kicks! And then when I wake up, it feel like it truly happened and I become ashamed/discouraged that I made a conscious decision to repent and turn from it, and just allowed myself to sin again for "fun". ( Sin is never fun! )But then I realize...you dreamed all that...no worries.

Where is this coming from? Maybe I just feel like it's too good to be true that God repaired this part of my life so...instantly and now I am on edge of reverting to my old ways? It's weird...I don't quite know what to make of it yet. Hopefully God can start stripping my subconscious of whatever it is that's plaguing me!

pray for me!
~RA

6 comments:

~Joseph the Worker said...

I have the exact same thing sometimes, including the feelings after my dreams. This topic is actually addressed by several of of the Church Fathers (including several saints) who talk about their dreams and such. One good idea is to try to pray a decade of the rosary before Bed, and if you wake up from a dream say a few ave maria's before going back to sleep.

R.A.~ said...

Thanks Joseph, I'll definitely be looking into it!

Lucy said...

This could be the devil's work.Take heart in this:

Psalm 32:1
Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.


Prayers coming.

~Joseph the Worker said...

Well Lucy, there is something we can agree on! :)

Lucy said...

Now Joseph that is good news!

R.A.~ said...

I was hoping it wasn't, but I think you're right. This mental hold has started to eek its way into other areas of my life & have upped my anxiety levels. I have a lot of spiritual hurdles to face now.

thank you both! the scripture is very comforting :)